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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 3, 2012 0:57:38 GMT -5
It made Dane feel a bit better to know that Mori wasn't sleeping. He didn't like causing a bother to him. He already let him into his home, and now he couldn't even sleep normally. He had to go and have the nightmare. He wanted to tell Mori it wouldn't happen again... but it had happened every night since he was rescued. Sometimes the screaming happened, sometimes it didn't. Either way. He never went back to bed. He couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a decent amount of sleep.
He had a confused sort of look on his face when Mori got up. Coffee? That sounded good actually. Should he follow? He didn't want to keep Moriel up longer than he already had to because of his nightmare. It didn't seem like it would matter to Moriel though. He would do it anyways whether or not Dane followed. He thought he owed it to him to have some coffee. He got up and followed after him, not bothering to put on a shirt. That wasn't important. Wasn't like the scars were something he needed to hide. The one of his face was worse than any on his body.
He watched the man making the coffee from the doorway. He thought that Moriel deserved to know what he was dreaming about, but he wasn't sure he could tell it. Although now might be the time. When the dream was already in his mind. He just wasn't sure he could. "T-thanks. For the coffee."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 3, 2012 8:35:27 GMT -5
As he stirred the pot and scooped the foam out into the cups, Moriel's eyes slid back to his guest and then to the darkened windows on the far side of the room. The sky was graying ever-so-slightly at the horizon. The sun would be up in maybe three hours. He would have been up soon anyway. He smiled vaguely at the thanks and looked back down at the pot. "Caffeine, my one true vice," he said with a chuckle.
"Have a seat, Dane," Mori told him, waving toward the small kitchen table. He turned the burner off and spilled the coffee carefully into each cup. He brought them over to the table. They were small cups, like espresso shots. "Turkish coffee," he explained. "Let it cool a bit so the grounds can settle to the bottom."
He sat next to Dane at a corner of the table. His contemplative gaze eased over the man's face again. "Go on, then," he prompted. By this point, Moriel was fairly sure that the desire to unload the horrific memories would outweigh the fear of opening up. "Tell me about it."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 3, 2012 13:09:15 GMT -5
He went over to the table when Moriel mentioned having a seat. He wasn't about to argue with the man right now. He was helping him more than Dane could ever thank him for. This wasn't part of him staying in the house with him. This was just because Moriel was nice. Dane always knew that. He was just experiencing it first hand at the moment. He took the coffee when he gave it to him and wrapped his arms around the cup for the warmth of it. It felt nice in his hands.
Dane sighed heavily when Mori mentioned the dream. He should talk about it. It was the least Dane could do. He opened his mouth once, but closed it. Trying to find the right words. "It changes slightly. The nightmares. Sometimes it's the actual battles. Sometimes it was when I was captured. This one was close in time to when I was rescued. T-There was other people there. With me. But when we wouldn't and couldn't give information about Carford's side of the war, they would hurt us. When they couldn't stand it any longer, they'd kill one of us. I was the last one alive. The only one rescued. I had to watch everyone die in front of me while I was tied up and close to death. I couldn't stand it. The scar on my face was right after the last person died. That's what my dream was."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 3, 2012 15:44:00 GMT -5
Mori sat in silence as Dane explained the dream. There wasn't much he could say. Nothing would bring those lives back or banish those memories. Instead, he simply listened attentively, eyes serious and soft on the man's face. Once he had finished, the angel pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "There was nothing you could have done," he said finally. "They call it survivor's guilt - the question 'Why did I survive and not another?' No one can answer that but God."
The clock in the living room chimed quietly. Once, twice, three times. Three in the morning. It had been a while since he'd gotten up so early. "I believe they call this 'post-traumatic stress' these days. It used to be 'battle psychosis' and before that 'shell shock' and 'war fatigue.' One of my sons had it. The nightmares. They got better for him. It took time, but they did." He offered knowledge, pretty much all he had to offer this broken man. His tone stayed even, conversational.
"I'm glad you chose to retire. I know it's not my place, but I think it shows growth. I've lost six boys to battle. It's just...senseless." Moriel sighed and the corners of his eyes crinkled with a rare show of sadness. "I'm happy you survived."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 3, 2012 16:08:44 GMT -5
Yeah. Dane had kind of figured it was something like post traumatic stress. Didn't stop him from hating it and hating to fall asleep. Always seeing things in his head that shouldn't be there. Small everyday things that his mind makes into some kind of war situation. It is the worst feeling in the world, and Dane didn't know how to get rid of it. He wanted to. But he didn't know how.
"I just... I tried doing something with my powers. I tried. But the first few days I did, they would torture me more. Then after a while I just lost the energy. I couldn't do anything." Dane muttered, staring down at his coffee with a hurt expression on his face. "I wanted to save them... I would have died to save them. Instead I was the only one that got to keep their life." Dane hated that feeling and wanted more than anything for it to go away.
When Moriel said he was happy he survived... and that it was good he retired, he wasn't sure what to say to that. "I just couldn't fight anymore. Not when I had their death on my shoulders. I couldn't cause anyone else to die. And thanks, I guess. But sometimes I wish they would have killed me too. That I hadn't survived. It would have been better than suffering through what I am now."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 3, 2012 21:31:08 GMT -5
As he had suspected, the guilt was there, buried deep in the wounds. "You didn't cause them to die, Dane," he told him. "You did what you could. If it were any other of those soldiers sitting here feeling responsible for your death, what would you tell him? You have to know they would never blame you for what happened."
Mori lifted his coffee cup to his lips and sipped delicately. His eyes eased closed as he savored the taste. "You can drink now," he told him. "It's cooled enough. Just sip slowly and stop when you reach the grounds." Most people around here were accustomed to filtered coffee. He didn't mind it on occasion, but nothing soothed a bad day (or night) like a strong cup of kahve.
"Life is laced with pain. Some of us face more than others. Some face so much that it hardly seems bearable. But you shouldn't give up on it just yet." He studied those pained eyes with steady curiosity and patience. "There was a saying, back in the Ottoman Empire...Çıkmayan candan umit kesilmez. 'Hope won't be cut from the soul that has not expired.' I always liked that one." He placed a gentle hand on Dane's arm, a reassuring touch. "Give it time."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 3, 2012 23:53:08 GMT -5
Dane wanted to believe him. He wanted to say he didn't, and move on with his life. He just wasn't sure that was possible. He wanted it more than anything. Maybe deep down in his mind he knew that he wasn't the cause of their deaths, but he wouldn't admit it to himself. He'd slowly get better though.
He nodded at Moriel when he mentioned the coffee. Dane was starring at it, but he hadn't thought about drinking it at the moment. He had just thought about holding it and looking at it. He brought the drink to his mouth and took a sip. It tasted amazing.
Dane saw Mori's hand coming towards him before it touched and for that he didn't jump this time. Moriel wasn't going to hurt him and he knew it. He just had to remind his mind about that. He couldn't let his mind hate him as much as it was right now."I'm tired of the pain, Moriel. I-I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not who I used to be... that's for sure. But I don't know who I am either. And it's driving me insane."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 4, 2012 14:05:53 GMT -5
The coffee warmed him right down to the soles of his feet, but the conflict in Dane left Moriel with an aching cold in his chest. "I wish I could tell you what to do," he murmured, "say a few words and make it better. But I can't. The only thing that can heal this is time. And it will heal." He truly believed that, had to believe it. For anything else to be true would break his heart.
"In any case, you are welcome to stay here until you figure things out. I hope you do." Moriel wondered vaguely in the back of his mind if his intentions here were entirely charitable. There had been a time in his life when he was a constant necessity, consulted for every action of a political figure. Sure, people in town would still ask him for advice every now and again, but it was nothing like it had been. He felt increasingly useless. Maybe helping Dane would give him some sense of purpose.
Whatever his motives, he thought it would benefit his new tenant, so he would urge him to stay. "I'm not much of a sleeper anyway," he told Dane. He could sleep a lot if he wanted, but Mori didn't need much sleep. "So I'm always up for late night talks."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 8, 2012 20:17:07 GMT -5
Dane seriously thought that nothing anyone could ever say could ever fully make him feel better. To bring him back to how he used to be. He wanted to be the carefree person he used to be so long ago. He wanted that back, but every time he even thought about it the memories from the war would flood in his mind. He didn't want them there. He wanted them gone and he didn't want to think about them. But he had no choice. They were there and he couldn't stop them.
"Thanks Mori... for what you're doing. What you've already done." Dane whispered, trying to smile but still not being able to do it. He hated himself for not being able to do it. He wanted to. He wanted to more than anything. Maybe to show Moriel that he wasn't completely hopeless. He couldn't do it though, so he just sighed and took another drink of his tea. It tasted good. Whatever kind of coffee Moriel said it was, Turkish?, it was good. He had to give it to him. He knew his coffee. "I might take you up on those late night talks."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 9, 2012 1:43:32 GMT -5
Smiling warmly, the angel nodded. It was good to be useful again, to help someone. "I look forward to them," he assured Dane. "It gets a bit lonely being the old hermit." Of course, Dane knew that he hadn't always been this way. But since Mary had passed away, his children visited seldom and he was on a good ten year streak of being a shut-in.
Moriel got to the bottom of his cup and lifted it off the saucer. "Here's an old tradition from the Ottoman Empire," he said, deciding they were in need of a change of subject, to get the man's mind off of his nightmares. He placed his saucer on top of the cup. "Let it cool for a few minutes, then turn it over. Then you read the coffee grounds. People used it for predictions and guidance." He shrugged and shook his wings out a bit, sat back in his chair. "Today people mostly do it for fun. Even if it doesn't tell the future, I think they're a good way of projecting what you're already thinking about."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 12, 2012 10:47:23 GMT -5
Dane couldn't see how he was lonely. Sure... he was here all alone. But he was by himself. That wasn't lonely to Dane, that was peaceful. Dane thought it might be nice to live away from everyone. To live somewhere no one could actually find him. Hide away for the rest of what seemed to be his miserable life. He didn't think he could thank Mori enough for giving up the peacefulness he had before to help him out. To take him in. He wasn't sure he could ever get across to Mori how much that actually meant.
He watched what Mori did with a confused expression at first before he realized what he was doing. He had heard that before. Never done it though. He finished the rest of his quickly and put the saucer on the top like Mori did. His attention shifted when Mori moved his wings. He had obviously seen them before, but he thought they were kind of... gorgeous really. They looked so natural on Mori and wouldn't look the same without them. Dane thought they made Mori... Mori. If that made sense. "So you think it's real?" Dane asked, distracting himself from everything by asking it.
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 18, 2012 23:39:03 GMT -5
Moriel chuckled and shook his head. "No, I don't believe in fate. I like to think that we have a choice in which direction our lives go," he explained with a mild expression. "There is a plan, yes, and intentions given for each of us but, ultimately, I believe it is our hearts which determine our destinies." And perhaps that was too romantic a sentiment for the current company, but it was what he felt.
He waved a hand over the cups and a cool wind passed between their cups. The angel tapped the side of Dane's cup and nodded. "There. It's cheating, perhaps, but I'm impatient." Smiling, he turned the cup and saucer over so the cup was upside-down. Then he lifted the cup and looked in it thoughtfully. Humming, he inspected the coffee grounds inside. "It's messy," he told him. "Very little order to it. This means your thoughts are muddled. And there's an X at the bottom, just here." Moriel leaned over and pointed it out to him. "This indicates a crossroads. And this here...where the grounds fall apart and come together...it means a new connection."
Looking up, he beamed at Dane. "Things are bleak. But it won't last forever."
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