Slip into a Grin [Tobias]

[Callum Montana Roderick]

On principle, I found it absolutely obscene and retarded that they should start playing Christmas music this early in the year. For Chrissakes, it wasn't even December! And yet, for the life of me, I could not stop listening to them. They were so damn catchy and seasonal and, alright, I just like listening to goddamn Christmas music. Sue me.

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

I sat in the barracks, singing along in my best imitation of that goo-goo girly voice Ertha Kitt sang with. Wiggling a little in my seat with the music, nodding my head back and forth, I rubbed down my M4 fondly, polishing the barrel until I could practically see my face in it. My baby.

Standing up, I cradled her in the crook of one elbow and held her like I might a dance partner and swayed up and down the room, making a real exaggeration out of every movement.

Santa baby, I'm filling my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Fuck, I'm fabulous.

[tobias elliot redferne]

✢❇✢❇✢

Even though Tobias hated going to the barracks, but since he and Aria were still negotiating about the house that they were going to buy in Carford, they had no choice but to stay in the barracks for the time being. And when he walked in, he was assaulted with two horrifying things-- some random guy singing in a weird falsetto voice, and a Christmas song. Ugh, okay, so if Tobias was going to dorm with this guy for a couple of weeks, he was pretty sure that he was going to kill him in his sleep or something before Tobias himself died of the horrible music.

And the worst of all was most probably the fact that he was dancing... with his M4. Oh, God.

"Note to self: dormmate is a eternal virgin," Tobias stated, raising a questioning eyebrow. If he was going to be serving with this... bunch of crazy lumped together in a vaguely-human form, the least that anyone could do was to let Tobias mock him till he felt like hiding in a hole or something. "Now, do I need to give you some alone time with your rifle, or will you please stop being a creepy weirdo? You'll never get any girls like that."

[/size][/color]

✢❇✢❇✢

Notes: The worst thing is, I can actually see Jeremy doing something like that Outfit: Clicky! Tagged: Cal~

[Callum Montana Roderick]

Oh, friends! The new guy stopped me in the middle of a very dramatic dip, the rifle's nose almost touching the floor. I looked up and winked at him. He looked like a bit of a stick in the mud, and I was gonna Excalibur the shit out of that. Straightening up, I glanced over the markings on his uniform, making sure I wasn't supposed to salute him or something. Nope, just a fellow major! Excellent. "What, you feeling left out?" I gave him an over-the-top mimic of a seductive expression, eyebrows waggling. "You're welcome to cut in if you'd like."

I turned to my M4 briefly. "You don't mind, do you baby? You know you're my number one." If he thought I was crazy anyway, I might as well go the whole nine yards with it. I set the rifle aside and sauntered up to the major, still swaying to the music. It had switched to "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," the sappiest, crooning version of all time. I got very close and wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to coax him into swaying with me. "And who said I was looking for girls?" I teased. "Maybe you should help me with that 'eternal virgin' problem."

And, alright, maybe I was pushing my luck a little, but that was my thing: pushing my luck. My luck was an abused spouse, I pushed it all over the damn place. "Name's Major Roderick. Callum Roderick. And what might your handsome self be called?"

[tobias elliot redferne]

✢❇✢❇✢

So this guy-- this guy was definitely psycho. He just walked over to Tobias and tried to start dancing. Tobias! Dancing! Tobias had never danced before, and hadn't ever been planning to.

He twitched a little as the guy asked him to help with the 'eternal virgin' problem. Well, if he wanted some help, he'd get some, Tobias mused as he made a little hand-motion and set his genitals on fire. "There you go," Tobias grinned, "Some help with the 'eternal virgin' problem. At least now you have an excuse for being one."

Then the guy introduced himself as Major Callum Roderick, who, if Tobias remembered correctly, was the guy who-- oh, God. He was the guy who Tobias and Aria were going to be paired off with on missions, and-- urgh! Tobias would die if he had to save a crazy dick's arse all the time when fighting. Maybe he just wouldn't bother saving Major Roderick's arse.

Still, though, he preened (internally) when he was called handsome. "Tobias Redferne, but I guess since we're going to be working together rather closely from now on, you can just call me Tobias." And it was totally not because he just called Tobias handsome, okay. No way in hell was Tobias that shallow.

(except that he actually was that shallow, so.)

[/size][/color]

✢❇✢❇✢

Notes: The worst thing is, I can actually see Jeremy doing something like that Outfit: Clicky! Tagged: Cal~

[Callum Montana Roderick]

Well! Wasn't this guy a little firecracker? In more than one way. I jumped back a bit, patting away the flames on my crotch. Not exactly my idea of foreplay, but alright. "Well, jeez, if you wanted to get friendly, you coulda just grabbed my ass, soldier." I winked and looked down to inspect my pants. Aw, man, and I liked these ones. At least they were uniform issue. They had to replace those, right? Or maybe I could go all Batman and wear underwear over them to cover up the burns. I'm the hero Carford deserves! It had a nice ring.

"Tobias Redferne," I said, rolling the name over my tongue experimentally. "Toby. Toblerone. Toby or not Toby. Toboggan. Tobykins." Not too many options there, but I was sure I'd come up with something suitable given time. "Anyway, yeah, I've been waiting to meet you and your sister. I hear you guys are hot shit. I'm pretty excited to see what you got."

I unbuckled my belt and shucked off the burnt fatigue pants, kicking them under my bunk. If Tobias was gonna be staying in the barracks, he was gonna see a lot more than my boxers, so I really didn't care. I started rifling through my bag, searching for some new pants. "So, you two gonna be staying in the barracks mainly, or are you looking for a place? I've been here a while, I can make some suggestions." And just because that sentence sounded far too normal for me, I added, "Or...I've got a queen size bed...I bet we could all fit in it. I gotta warn you, though, I'm a cuddler."

[tobias elliot redferne]

✢❇✢❇✢

Tobias couldn't help but roll his eyes at the guy. Was he sex-deprived or something? Was that why he kept saying stupid stuff like that? Or maybe he just didn't have much of a brain. "But I don't want to grab your ass," Tobias scowled at Callum. "I wanted to burn your dick off. God knows you're enough of one already."

And maybe calling someone a dick just because he was being super weird and pervy was taking it a bit too far, but then Cal started calling him 'Toblerone' and stuff like that. Ugh. Why was he not surprised? He just had to be the one unlucky enough to end up on a team with someone who was brain-damaged enough to try and call him 'Toboggan'. What the heck was 'Toboggan', anyway?

Then at last, Callum started asking normal questions-- thank God. "I'm only staying in the barracks for a few days," Tobias said, turning away as Callum started taking off his pants. Damn it, didn't this guy have any dignity? Or was he actually that comfortable with flashing all over the place? "I wouldn't even be staying here if Aria would just settle on a house and pick already."

And why, why did Tobias even think that Callum would be asking a normal question? Or even saying a normal sentence? Wackjobs would be wackjobs, even when they tried to ask something semi-normal. Tobias didn't even want to dignify that remark. Wait, was he...

"No one is cuddling Aria," he growled, fire rising from the ground under Callum. "And if you ever hint at something as stupid and disgusting as that ever again, I will end you. I have half a mind to murder you right now."

[/size][/color]

✢❇✢❇✢

Notes: The worst thing is, I can actually see Jeremy doing something like that Outfit: Clicky! Tagged: Cal~

[Callum Montana Roderick]

"Aw, that's what they all say at first," I assured him with a cheeky grin, giving my boxer-clad ass a little wiggle just to bug him. It was pretty easy getting on this guy's nerves. I liked it. "Don't worry. You'll learn to love me."

I found an older pair of fatigues in my bag and gave them a sniff. Not exactly downy-fresh, but they'd do. I stood up with them in hand, then thought again. Could do with some Febreeze. "Yeah, I don't blame you. This place is kind of a shit hole if you stay for too long. Mainly it's privates and lieutenants going through basic training. A few of us stay a lot just for convenience's sake. I have a place in town, though. There's some nice real estate toward the beach."

Giving the pants a few quick spritzes with the air freshener, I sniffed them again and was much more pleased with the result. Smelled like a spring day, whatever the hell that was supposed to smell like. I bent down to tug them on when I heard a growling behind me and then my boots got very hot, very fast. I jumped up and out of the way. "Jesus Christ! You burn all my clothes, I'll have to start walking around in the buff, dude."

I rolled my eyes and sat on my bunk, tugging the pants on. "Low blow, attacking a guy in his underwear, don't you think? I got it, though. You're the stereotypical overprotective older brother who's a little flame happy. No jokes about your sister. And it was, y'know, a joke. So cheer the fuck up, man." With a laugh, I stood and buckled my belt. And then a thought struck me and refused to stay in my mouth. "If you're so protective...that means she's hot, right?" As an afterthought, I held up my hands and reassured him, "Honest question!"

[tobias elliot redferne]

✢❇✢❇✢

Really, Callum had probably taken waaay too many hits to the head as a child or something and therefore was kind of... stupid. Yeah. He was stupid, and there was no nicer way to put it. Otherwise he wouldn't be asking so many absolutely retarded questions.

As Tobias witnessed Cal Febreeze his pants, he snorted in disgust and wrinkled his nose. Ew, Febreeze. Couldn't this guy take the proper time to wash his clothes or anything? It wasn't even that hard, although all the starching and polishing was really troublesome. The general idea of wearing something that you had rolled around in mud or whatever while wearing was just... icky. Gross. Why was a pair of filthy pants like that in his bag, anyway? Shouldn't he have, like, a seperate bag or something for dirty clothes? Tobias knew that he definitely did, and he gave one to Aria long ago, too (although he was pretty sure that she didn't use it). But she (was forced to, Tobias didn't want to be anywhere near her underwear) washed her own clothes, so Tobias didn't really care either way.

"Those clothes seem like they should be condemned," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Don't you wash them properly or anything?" And then as a side note, he added, "Please don't start walking around naked. I think you'd scar too many people, including me."

Then Tobias rolled his eyes at Callum's comment about him being the stereotypical overprotective older brother. Well, wasn't someone a fucking genius? "When you have a sister like Aria, you kind of have to be," Tobias told Cal, taking out his stuff and laying it around his half of the room. "And whether Aria is hot or not is none of your business; you're not getting into her pants either way."

[/size][/color]

✢❇✢❇✢

Notes: The worst thing is, I can actually see Jeremy doing something like that Outfit: Clicky! Tagged: Cal~

[Callum Montana Roderick]

Since I was already rifling through my bag, I figured I might as well get ready for drills. I had volunteered to lead a few that afternoon so a staff sergeant friend of mine could go get laid. I know, I'm a saint like that. I set my M4 across my bunk and started tugging on my boots.

I shrugged at Toby's comment. "Eh, just gonna go roll around in dirt some more in them. Besides, I haven't been home all week and the lieutenants hog the washing machines in the barracks. Trust me, you wanna get your own place ASAP, especially with your short fuse. We'll have some fried privates around and they won't be mine." I laced up my boots tight with practiced movements I'd gone through a few times a day since I was 18. Grabbing the pants he'd singed, I emptied two switchblades, a bayonet knife, and a grenade out of various pockets and transferred them into the new fatigues.

Please don't start walking around naked. I think you'd scar too many people, including me.

"Ah, yeah," I agreed. "People have a hard enough time resisting me. I'd hate to break too many hearts." I smirked and snapped on my belt holster and grabbed an HK45. I disassembled, checked, and reassembled it in less than 30 seconds. "And no need to get jealous about Aria, buddy. If you really want me to yourself, I'm sure we can work something out." Next came the shoulder holsters, one P226 on each side, disassembled and checked just like the HK45. Jacket went over that, and the M4 slung over one shoulder. God, I loved feeling the weight of firearms on my body.