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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 23, 2012 14:13:55 GMT -5
Dane knew Mori wouldn't like that, but the look on his face hurt Dane far more than he expected it to. He just... didn't understand why it had to be him that lived. Why he had to be the one that walked away when the rest of them died. He couldn't stand it. All the flashbacks where he could see different things he could have done to save them. All of them. One of them. Any of them. He just couldn't understand why he didn't see it before. Probably because of the panic and fear... but still. He couldn't handle it. He just... couldn't.
He had a point. Dane knew he had a point. He would have missed so much if he died... but the he wouldn't be here with whatever Mori called it. He wouldn't have nightmares that caused him to wake up screaming. He would have died himself and not have to question who he is. It would have been better... he was sure of it. Or... somewhat sure. Maybe he wanted to live a little bit... he wouldn't be close with Mori is he hadn't... still didn't stop him from wanting to die. From wanting the pain to stop. He had been thinking so hard, that he hadn't realized he had spaced out and not said anything. "Yeah. I guess." He gave Mori, but it wasn't real. It felt like nothing he said was real.
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 23, 2012 17:05:10 GMT -5
The clenching in his chest got tighter until Moriel found it nearly unbearable. He passed the book back and stood suddenly, not even realizing as he disrupted Dane's hold around his middle. He couldn't bear to see a soul so blatantly wishing for death in his presence. The pain he couldn't quantify, the healing he couldn't calculate. So instead, he shoved his hands in the pockets of his coat. He looked around the room, wishing that one of these books somehow held the answers and knowing that they didn't.
Finally, he turned and looked at the man. "Dane, you'll never discover those feelings of gratitude if you don't make good new memories, if you don't find something you're happy to live for. I'm happy to give you time and space to heal, but I can no longer allow you to haunt about this place like a man on his deathbed," he decided, voice firm. "Get your coat. We're going for a walk."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 23, 2012 18:03:08 GMT -5
Dane practically fell when Mori stood up suddenly. He looked up at Mori with wondering eyes. What was he doing. When he mentioned going outside, Dane's eyes got big. He didn't want to... He wanted to stay inside. He wasn't a big one on going outside since he came back from the war. He didn't like doing anything other than just staying inside and doing nothing but reading or listening to music or something like that. It wouldn't help. It wouldn't do anything. He didn't want to. "Mori..." Dane started with a slight pout on his face. Why couldn't Mori just let him pout to him and whine. Was that so hard to ask?
"I don't want to go outside. I don't want to go for a walk." Dane stood up and looked at Mori with pleading eyes. He wanted to stay where he was and cuddle more with Mori. That was making him feel better. It was... he didn't need to go outside to feel better. He just needed time. At least... he thought that's what he needed. Made sense to him. "Please don't make me..." Dane muttered, he knew he would be able to. Dane owed him so much... so if he really wanted him out of the house, then he would.
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 23, 2012 22:48:46 GMT -5
Exasperated, Moriel sighed. He shouldn't be letting this affect him so, but it did. Terribly. The pain in Dane's eyes, he couldn't go on watching as it stayed the same day after day. Something had to change. To try the same thing again and again and expect new results was, if not insanity, at least foolishness.
"Nothing will get better, nothing will change if you simply hide here," he insisted. "Believe me, I know. I myself have sequestered away in this tower, sometimes for years. And when I leave, I always find that the world has changed and I have not. If you don't engage with life...well, then you might as well be dead." He knew his words were harsh. Perhaps too harsh, and it hurt him to say them to someone he cared about - and, yes, he did.
His eyes turned back on Dane, sadness heavy in them. "You say you wish you had died...but how can you prefer that when you haven't properly lived since it happened? This isn't living. This is...wasting away. Not death, but perhaps something even worse." Moriel's tone was grave, burdened with years of painful experiences that had never crushed his hope.
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 23, 2012 23:05:46 GMT -5
Was it that big of a deal that Dane just wanted to die? It wasn't exactly like that though. He didn't want to die now... he wanted to die before when he was captured. He wanted to die like a fallen soldier. He wanted to have died there because living on was much more difficult than dying would have been. But seeing the look in Mori's face... seeing his eyes like that. Seeing that... it hurt Dane. He wasn't sure why it hurt him though. Why did he care so much about someone that was just a friend helping him. He was helping him get on his feet, but this feeling wasn't normal.
Dane swallowed hard and nodded at Moriel. He believed what Mori told him. He felt like he would always believe what Mori said. "I'm sorry." Mori whispered, not being able to look at the sad eyes on Moriels face any longer, he looked to the ground and closed his eyes. "Alright. I'll go for a walk with you." It was the only thing Dane knew to do. The only thing that made any logical sense in his eyes. He didn't want to let Mori down and had a feeling he would do anything to get rid of the look in his eyes.
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 23, 2012 23:19:44 GMT -5
He knew now that his interests had become too intimate, too involved. He could no longer act objectively, and were he merely a creature of logic, he would have stepped back, removed himself from the situation as he could no longer properly guide his charge. But, as it was, angels were also creatures of great emotion, and his took hold of him at that moment.
"Good," he said. Moriel's shoulders sagged in relief. He started out of the library and turned back in the doorway. "We can go to the lake, perhaps. Get your coat and I'll meet you downstairs. I suppose I should put on more suitable clothing before leaving the lighthouse." He glanced down at his own casual attire. He was wearing slippers, even.
With that, Moriel started out of the library and flew up to his room.
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 23, 2012 23:48:24 GMT -5
Dane stood there for a second. Looking at Moriel when he left. Dane wondered why he cared so much. What was the point? Wasn't he sort of a lost cause? And he wasn't someone important to Moriel... He was just some boy that used to work for him before he went off to the war and ruined his life. Why was it so important that Dane feel better? That he stop being mopey and hating himself. Why couldn't he just suffer alone. It just didn't add up to him. He took a deep sigh, grabbed the book, and left the library. Running up to his room swiftly. He set the book on his bed and changed his clothes. He was still in sweat pants and an old T-shirt. He changed into some jeans that were probably a bit tight and a long sleeve shirt. He wrapped a sweater around him and zipped it up. It was an old one. From his school years.
He put some converse on and grabbed his phone to shove in his pocket before walking downstairs to wait for Moriel. He went by the front door and stood there waiting for Moriel to come down with his hands in his pockets. What was going on here... Stuff just didn't make sense to Dane. He supposed there was a lot that didn't make sense to him, but that was normal, wasn't it? Dane closed his eyes and tried not to think about how safe and secure Moriel had made him feel when they were cuddling together on that couch. It was different... it felt nice. It was different than anything he had felt. He told himself it was just because he never really had anyone to care for him before... not like he felt like Moriel was doing.
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 24, 2012 0:05:37 GMT -5
He took the time it took him to change clothes to regather his thoughts, take a deep breath, and try to figure out the best course of action here. Obviously, he couldn't keep touching the man so much. He would betray his feelings for sure if he did. And that was out of the question. Moriel changed into a shirt and tie and some proper slacks. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and set his jaw. This was about Dane, about making him better. Anything else was just a distraction. He would use his feelings to motivate him toward helping the boy, but nothing else.
A few moments later, he alighted on the first floor of the tower, near the front door. He'd flown down from his own room. His wings tucked behind him once more, Moriel nodded at Dane and grabbed his coat from beside the door. "We can go anywhere you like, really. The lake was merely a suggestion," he told him. He took a hat down from the hook as well, a neat business hat he'd bought sometime in the 1940's. He placed it on his head and opened the door for them.
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 24, 2012 0:59:51 GMT -5
He heard Mori coming before he was actually there. His wings gave him away. He offered him a small smile. It was forced... but it was a smile and a smile was better than nothing, wasn't it? He thought so. He watched as Moriel put on his coat. He didn't really care where they went. He was kind of being forced to do so right now... go out that is, but it was something that he didn't exactly have a choice over. It was either go for a walk, or look at those sad eyes of his. He couldn't handle that.
"I don't mind, honestly. Wherever you think would be best." Moriel was running the shots here. He was the one that thought this would be good for him. He should know what place would be better as well. He wanted to change... he wanted to feel better. He really did even if it seemed like he didn't. He took another look at Mori and walked out the door. He honestly didn't remember the last time he went outside. Had he left the lighthouse since he moved in? He actually couldn't remember if he had. The days blurred together. All he could remember was the nightmares he had gone through. The talks him and Mori had and the nights he stayed up, afraid to sleep. He hadn't been at Mori's long... but it felt long to him. How long had he been here? He shook his head and turned around and started walking backwards. He gave Moriel a small gentle smile. "Let's go then."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 24, 2012 23:46:32 GMT -5
The air had chilled recently, the wind whipping around their ears. Moriel pulled his collar up around his neck. "Perhaps we won't go very far. The weather seems unfavorable," he observed. He started down the path away from the lighthouse. "Well, is there any place in particular that you were fond of when you were younger?" Moriel hoped to do something that would bring him back to simpler times.
"If not, we could always just go to the shore. I usually find that place peaceful." He used to go there with Angela when she was a child. It was a place of joyful serenity, unlike his tenant's muddled mind.
He turned and studied Dane's face. He wondered if this was the right thing, forcing him outside like this. Maybe he was just trying to get them in a less confined space so he would be less tempted. He would have plenty of time to think of that tonight, though, when he stayed awake at Dane's side.
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 25, 2012 0:03:00 GMT -5
Was there a place Dane liked when he was younger? Everything seemed a blur now. Nothing was the same. He couldn't remember the simply times of when he was a child. Or a teenage. Or anything. It was just something he tried to forget. Maybe he shouldn't forget it... The store.. he liked the store. "The store sounds fine... I always liked it there." Dane told him with a smile. He didn't know anywhere else to start. Mori was calling the shots here. Dane was going to listen to him because he wanted to feel better. He really did.
Dane looked around outside. Maybe trying to find something that Mori had mentioned before. Finding something that made him thankful that he was still living. So far the only thing he laid eyes on was Moriel, but it wasn't like he was going to tell Mori that. It was a bit awkward and unnecessary. Probably wrong too. Dane was just happy that Moriel had taken him in. Not pushed him away. Kept him in the lighthouse with him because he cared. Maybe that was all Dane wanted. "The store sounds wonderful in fact... Maybe I'll run into some old friends or something. That is... if I remember who those were."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 25, 2012 0:32:09 GMT -5
The store? Yes, it had been quite some time since either of them had been there, he suspected. He had turned over control of it to the manager, whomever that was these days. Someone Mary had hired on before she died. "Alright. That sounds like a good plan," he agreed with a nod. Moriel started down the walk toward the shops.
As he walked, he allowed his thoughts to wander to images of Dane's sleeping face. Once the nightmares ebbed, he looked a sort of peaceful that Mori didn't see when he was awake. He wondered how long it would be until he could be able to.
Just a block from the lighthouse, Moriel stopped suddenly, going completely still and raising a finger to his lips for silence. His head turned slowly toward the left, where the trees were still thick, and his eyes narrowed in concentration. "There," he whispered, barely audible. Just beyond the first line of trees was a slender doe and her fawn, stripping bark from the trees. The mother heard him and looked up, eyes wide.
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 25, 2012 0:42:54 GMT -5
Dane followed Mori as he started to walk, He looked down at Mori's hand. Was it normal to want to reach out and grab someone's hand as they went for a walk? Dane thought that maybe if Mori was a girl... but Mori was a guy and that wasn't something two men did as they went for a walk. Dane stuffed his hands in the pocket of his sweater and kept walking until Mori stopped him. He looked to where Mori was pointing with a wondering eye.
He saw them quickly. It would have been impossible to miss, actually. They were gorgeous. Dane had seen deer before, but never this close. Dane didn't see how this was something to live for though. It was just a deer. He almost faked it... almost said things that Mori might take as Dane seeing what he wanted him to see. But he knew honesty would be the best policy in this kind of situation. "Those deer would be here whether I was or not. They wouldn't have gone anywhere and you could have seen them when you went for a walk anytime. It isn't something I needed to be here for."
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Moriel Sarid
Fallen
[*]Level 25 [*]Psionic Blast [*]Lighthouse Keeper in Carford
[SKB:]
Posts: 119
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Post by Moriel Sarid on Dec 25, 2012 1:02:38 GMT -5
He looked over at Dane, confused for a moment before he realized what this seemed like. Dane thought this was about him finding something to live for. Moriel shook his head and pointed again, this time lower toward the fawn. "It's too small for the winter season. They don't birth after the summer months," he told him, voice low and eyes never leaving the deer.
"Do you see how short the fawn's nose is?" The small creature took a few awkward steps forward. "Its gait is off as well." He looked over at Dane. "It's disabled. A palsy or perhaps retardation. The ill ones rarely live this long. She's been keeping it alive on her own." The angel's brows furrowed and he shook his head, looking back to the deer. "There's no logical reason for her to keep him alive. He puts her at a strong disadvantage. It's rare for them do act like this, but she's keeping him anyway."
The doe finally seemed to snap out of her startle and nosed at the fawn, ushering it back and farther into the cover of the forest. A smile spread across his face. "Fascinating."
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Post by dane brock evans on Dec 25, 2012 1:26:30 GMT -5
Mori could feel his cheeks tinting with pink slightly. What was he supposed to think. This walk was supposed to be about Dane seeing things to live for or whatever. So when Mori shows him deer, how else was he supposed to take it. He recovered quickly, however and paid attention to what Mori was saying. He knew a lot... Dane should know that, he supposed. He was a lot older than him and therefore a lot wiser. Plus he was an angel. That had to mean something with the knowledge department.
When he listened, he couldn't help but put himself in the situation the fawn was in. He had a disability. One that most people couldn't live with. Sure, some got over it and that was probably a bit more common than the fawns situation. Mori still kept Dane around like the mother kept the fawn around. Was there no point to that as well? "Maybe the mother see's hope for the young fawn." Dane whispered. He didn't smile back at Mori when he smiled and said it was fascinating. Sure... it was. But the fact that Dane just put himself in the fawns shoes didn't make him feel better. It made him want to go hide in his room for a bit. But he couldn't do that. He had to be strong for Mori.
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